you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
