If that was your dad, he is hot
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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