Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
