you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
