there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
