Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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