Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
