I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize