Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
