I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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