I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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