now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
