I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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