Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
