so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
