I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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