So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
