She's JV to your varsity
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
