friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
