3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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