Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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