I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
