He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
