I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Randomize
