just tell him i said nine months
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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