the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
