Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
