you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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