Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
