This is not my ceiling
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
