I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Swine flu is the new snow day.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
