i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
