Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize