FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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