ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
