my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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