What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
