Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
