I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
