You smell like a Billy Joel song
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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