Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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