We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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