Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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