Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
