adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
