I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
