I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
