saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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