Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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