I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize