So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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