Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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