the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just invented taco cereal.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
