Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
