Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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