I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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