the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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