look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
