I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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