Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
