its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
