I think I am morally bankrupt
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
