So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
