Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
