quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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