So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
