Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
