Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
