so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
