did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Sext me about skeletons
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
