I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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