well I can't set my house on fire every night
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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